Well what can I say? It has been a really interesting, some would say "challenging," season the last few months. The Lord has really been stretching us, which is spiritual talk for saying we're broke as frick. However, we remain faithful and we know that if we continue to trust in Him, He will provide like my husband should. It's all a part of being a Wilderness Wifey.
As a woman of expensive taste, it has been emotionally difficult making sacrifices so my husband can pursue his dream career as a professional inline skater. We've had to make-do with shopping from Walmart and buying absolutely nothing for our children- relying instead on the kindness and pity of strangers to gift them things, as we give nothing to the community in return except absolute banger content. The Lord really does provide. God is good.
Not gonna lie, the last weekend however has been the toughest yet as we spent every last penny on a skating tournament, truly believing we would make at least twice that money back. This wasn't really money we had, instead we maxed out our credit card, with the faith that we had bet on the right horse. We felt it in our bones. The Lord promised rewards for our sacrifices. We knew deep down in our souls that this was a wise gamble with our money, like a tithing. This Journey has been too inspirational to go wrong now. Good things were coming- God said so!
This was a real punch to the ego for my husband, a test of his faith and his very understanding of how the world works. He is, after all, only following God's plan to become an internationally celebrated inline skater at 36 years old. He prays on it every night, feeling self-assured that God's will coincidentally aligns with his own wants and desires because that is how it works when you have Jesus in your heart. Your desires become one. So when my husband didn't see the fruit of his hard work this weekend, it was Earth shattering. I'm ashamed to say he was even angry at God for letting him down and not fulfilling His end of the deal. He confessed he wanted to rage quit, that this career was a waste of time and money. I almost thought he might also be experiencing The Wild™ or Wilderness™ or whatever too!
So we scream prayed throughout the night together. I filled his cup so much I have never been so deep in The Wilderness™. After he came down from his emotional turmoil, my husband knew that he was not trusting the process, that he had let his emotions get in the way like a woman and that he can't quit now just because the going got tough. Yeah, we may be broke and selling our belongings for pennies, but no-one said this Journey was going to be easy or was without sacrifice. This strain and burden upon the family is all part of being in The Wild™, meaning it is all part of the Holy Journey. It is Biblical. The Lord has promised us greatness and greatness He shall deliver. We've just got to suffer a little longer.
"James 1;12," he said through gritted teeth while still processing the pain of his loss, "'Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.' The Holy scripture, New International Version, not King James because then it doesn't apply in the same way: 'Blessed it the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tired, he shall receive the crown of life.' The new version is so spot on! This is the PROOF that God will only reward us after we have endured trial. This is a time of trial! This is the proof that we are heading in the right direction! God clearly wants me to be the world's greatest inline skater. The scripture cannot be anymore clear!"
So it was back to the rink the next day: "Consistency breeds excellence," he said with his chest puffed up as he walked out the door, "Dedication makes mastery." As he closed the door and walked away, I replied, "Yes, practice makes perfect." Then I prayed for him.
This weekend of tragedy for us was just the climax of what has been a tough few months. You see, our lease has been up for renewal. We of course wanted to up-size, but obviously for cheaper rent, an easy goal, but with all of our focus and intentionality being on my husband's career right now, we've simply lost track of time to look for somewhere to live. It just wasn't a priority. We prayed that he would be making big money by now and the weekend was going to be one of those milestone moments, so we waited until after the big win- the crown of life, to inform our landlord we were moving somewhere bigger.
Instead, we prayed and we thanked the Lord for this season of trial and tribulation and decided we will indeed move, but only because our neighbors smoke the old Mary Jane, if you catch my drift, which is so sinful and degenerate we have no choice but to move. Clearly there is too much crime in this neighborhood. The streets are not safe anymore, so the Lord has led us somewhere closer to my parents, much closer and very far away from the weed gang members next door! We will temporarily downgrade into something smaller, just for six months until my husband's skating career takes off and we can finally upgrade into a space we deserve. Did I mention we didn't have time to find somewhere bigger? And we're only moving away because of drugs? Did I say it's temporary because it is only temporary.
That's right! We are moving into my mother's basement! Temporarily.
So we are due to move at the end of the month, meaning we still have a couple of weeks before we even need to think about packing. There's just so much grinding to do before then. I am well known for my exceptional organisational and planning skills and the plan is to do it all in a stressful adrenaline induced rush at the last minute.
Obviously this is a time of trial, but we remain faithful and we thank the Lord everyday for providing for us for being so faithful. We know that He is only leading us down a path of riches and wealth and that this is just a temporary setback, a small breather, before the money starts pouring in. As my husband says, his life is a movie and he is the main character. This is the downturn before the big victory. Life works exactly the same way! It's all a matter of waiting and being patient and sticking it to the haters. If you chase your dreams hard enough, you will always succeed. Just six more months and then you'll see. The crown of life is waiting. You'll ALL see!
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