A trending topic with liberals recently has been the so-called Alpine Divorce. This made-up woke term, the origins of which I refuse to learn, describes the very literal experiences of The Wilderness™, which is very special. Once again, feminists are refusing to see the beauty in female misery and Holy suffering. Nevertheless, even woke women are sharing their testimonies of being abandoned in the actual physical wilderness by their husbands. Reasons being because they are simply too slow and female to keep up with their husbands. It gives the husband a chance to assert his dominance and to punish his wife for simply being a woman, teaching her the disciplines of the Wilderness™ in the most literal way possible. It is the ultimate refinement.
While I have never physically been abandoned in the mountains, my husband always makes sure to remind me of my feminine feebleness. He has been a future world champion gold medal winning athlete since the age of 35 and it has been incredibly humbling and beautiful to remember that I shall never be as physically strong and brilliant as him. While it is vital to the very survival of our marriage that I keep my figure trim, any sport I do, my husband will always do twice as much, just to assert dominance and soothe his beautifully huge ego. The glorious feeling of insignificance makes me yearn for a time when I too shall be left to the rain and the bears.
Experiencing The Wilderness™ for real is such a blessing from the Lord, to be wholly at the Lord's mercy and his beautiful plan for women. It is the ultimate feminine feeling- to be so delicate and helpless against the Lord's elements as your husband climbs the mountain for both of you. This is what a healthy marriage looks like. All of those booty squeezes have really paid off! You have filled your husband's cup rather than your own and now finally you are the lamb to the slaughter.
Because I worry that one day I may come out of the other end of The Wilderness™ before 40 years and ergo invalidating it's Biblicalness, I regularly take myself, with intentionality, to the mountains on a rainy day to spend some time with the Lord, thanking him for this difficult time I've imposed upon myself. The intense fear of the cold and of ruining my shoes in the mud is like redemption. I imagine my husband running ahead, achieving his goals while I cheer him on in the dirt, just like the Bible says it shall be. I thank the Lord for the discipline and courage He is giving me to feel my ultimate feminine self as the rescue helicopter flies overhead.
So far the mountain rescued team has returned me home to my husband around eight times now. Since he is a professional athlete in the making, he tends not to be home anyway and generally doesn't notice. After I return I prepare him a delicious hot meal, the only flavor being salt because I save the spiciness for later and I mentally prepare myself for a hot night by remembering I'm supposed to be attracted to him by now.
If you are experiencing The Wilderness™ either literally or as purely intense psychological misery, then sign up to my course where I pretend to be a therapist for money! The course is loosely structured, with little engagement material as I waffle about embracing sadness and offersno real tangible value. Sign up today!
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